Adoption is never an easy thing. We are forced to have faith that a total stranger is telling the truth about wanting us to adopt her baby, and an expectant mother is forced to trust that we are telling her the truth about who we are. We must trust her decisions on how she cares for her body and the baby while she is pregnant, and she must trust our decisions on how we care for the baby after it is born–and for the next 18 or so years. Once it is born, if she does place with us, then while we rejoice, she is experiencing loss. We can be thrilled to show off our new addition, while she must grieve and may forever try to hide the fact that she had a baby at one point. Adoption definitely gives meaning to the term bitter-sweet.

God called us to adopt. We still don’t know what His ultimate plan this time is, however, I do know, at this point, we are officially matched to adopt a young lady’s baby. We met her and her family face-to-face last night, and had a wonderful time. I felt like we hit it off right away. They played with our kids, loved our kids, and our kids loved them right back. The men would take all the kids to play nearby while us women got to talk, and then we would switch out, giving the men an opportunity to talk. The expectant mom still has a lot of decisions to make at this point, but she seems pretty set on the idea of placing her baby and wants us to be the family. If there is such a thing as a perfect situation, this may well be it. They are in a position where, for many complicated reasons, it wouldn’t work well to keep the baby, but they no doubt already love it and worry about the home it will go to. That is why we are here–to give a loving home to a baby, and offer what support we can to a hurting family. I’m sorry I can’t offer more details on the situation, but it wouldn’t feel right. That being said, we did receive more information about the baby yesterday.

We have a due date in late January, give or take due to the lateness of the ultrasound. The baby seems to be perfectly healthy, almost 5 lbs., and growing normally. And, great news for M, it appears to be a girl. M desperately wants a sister to play girly things with. If old wive’s tales hold true, then the way she is carrying the baby now would fully support that it’s a girl. I would be perfectly happy with girl or boy, but I admit, I would also love for M to have a sister. She seems so outnumbered some days! It is also bi-racial, which will be neat for Aiden to have a “look-alike” in the family. The mother hasn’t really gotten a plan in place yet, but I think she will at least allow me to be at the hospital, and possibly in the birthing room with her. She may help us name the baby, which is what we have asked her to do–she will pick a name, then we will pick a second that goes well with it and has meaning for us. They are still trying to decide their ideal of openness in the adoption–somewhere between semi-open and open. I think the grandparents will want to visit in some fashion, while the mother, at this point, will be happy with periodic updates. Once they decide their ideal, then we will have to meet and find a compromise that will work for us. As I said, lots of decisions to be made.

So, now the waiting game really begins. We are going to leave on our trip, return, and try to lead a semi-normal life. She is going to have weekly appointments between now and the delivery to keep an eye on the baby’s growth. We are also going to make the last minute baby preps and get everything ready. Since this is a somewhat local adoption, we won’t have to get nearly as much ready, which makes things MUCH easier. She could literally call us right now and I would be able to go pick the baby up. It would just be nice to get a few meals prepared and a bit of extra cleaning done ahead of time. Then, we continue to wait for that call that she has gone into labor.

Of course, at any point between now and the signing of consents (after birth), she has every right to change her mind and decide to keep the baby. It does happen, and we are well aware of that. I don’t think she will because of the situation, but there is never any way to tell. I admit, I am getting more excited the more I think about it. So far, we have corresponded almost daily, and I hope that continues. It is very normal, though, for the mother to somewhat “disappear” in the final days as she deals with her decisions prior to the birth. Every woman is different, so there is no way to predict. I could tell she is already getting very nervous about the experience of the delivery, and the idea seems to be on her mind constantly. Thankfully, she has a seemingly wonderful support system in her parents. They respect her decisions, but are also holding her responsible. I absolutely loved her mom, and feel like, if she does change her mind, her mom will likely make her at least call the agency and notify them so we aren’t left hanging. Now that she has decided on us for sure, she will also be starting to work with a birthmother counselor at our agency, who will lovingly push her to make the decisions that need to be made.

So, here we are. Worst-case scenario, she changes her mind and we are right where we were yesterday–waiting for a match. Best-case scenario, she sticks with her plan and we have a baby in just a few short weeks.
Only God knows, and we (I) just have to hand that over to him and not worry about what tomorrow will bring. Everything works out according to His plan.