February 2012


I think I’m going to have to change the title of these quip posts to “Out of the Mouth of JR,” since he’s the one spurting quotable quotes these days…..

This past weekend, we finally banded our little bucklings.  For you city folk, I’ll just say our little boy goats are bucks no more.  In any case, JR was standing there watching as I finished, then he picked up the bander, and asked about it.  I showed him how it worked, and then jokingly said, “Here, you want me to band you to try it out?”  To which he replied, “NO WAY!!  I wanna breed when I grow up!!” 

I totally set myself up for that one.  Everyone has told me that kids don’t associate animal behavior with human behavior.  Apparently that is not true.

Advertisements

This past summer, JR finally hit the age where our state law required he be registered with the state as a legal homeschooler.  I obliged, as the penalty for not registering means he is legally “truant”, and that could be much worse.  Because registering made us feel somewhat “marked” though, we decided that since homeschooling our children was a long-term plan for us, we would join HSLDA. 

In case you aren’t familiar with it, HSLDA stands for Home School Legal Defense Association.  It is an organization, founded by Christian lawyers and homeschool supporters and advocates, that spend every waking moment defending national parental rights to homeschool our children.  On occasion, they even get involved in international matters, if there is a potential risk of it causing loss of homeschool freedom in America.  The benefit to members is in the event you ever find yourself in a legal situation as a result of your homeschool.  You would then have the ability to contact a lawyer immediately, 24/7, to help you deal with it appropriately.  If your case you should go to trial, and they feel you are unjustly acused of something like truancy, then they may take your case and represent you at no cost to you.  That’s what membership fees are for.  They are a wonderful organization, and I highly encourage any homeschooler to join and support them.  Of course, when you join, you never really think you will actually need their help. 

The last couple of days, I have been trying to get A’s final appointments all lined up.  Once again, his pediatrician is not supporting us, and refuses to contact the endocrinologist that the neurologist wants us to see, which means the earliest appointment I can get is in May.  So, I gave up, and started working on his therapy appointments, which both the pediatrician and neurologist would like to see him in. 

After a lengthy discussion with Tricare, I was told that, because he is 3 years  old, Early Intervention will no longer work with him, and he is required to have an IEP (Individual Education Plan) from the school district in order for Tricare to cover his therapies.  I explained that he wasn’t in school yet, and was told that it didn’t matter, it was just procedure for that age.  The school district had the specialists who would identify his exact needs, write a report that would be submitted to Tricare, and we’d go from there.  Easy enough.  It didn’t make much sense to me as to why the school should be involved, but, feeling I had no other choice, I called the number she gave me.  In summary, I was told by the school district that A would have to go before a screening board, and if they agree he needs help, it becomes official.  Then, he’d go before a board of medical experts, including therapists, psychiatrists, and child development specialists.  They determine exactly what therapies he needs.  Sounds fair enough right?  Well, because of how the law works, once they determine what he needs, it goes on record, and in order to receive therapy, he must be admitted to the public, government funded pre-school for 4 days per week, where he will receive his therapies as part of the school day.  That’s the only option.  Once the IEP is written, it is followed up on to ensure compliance.  I felt justified in explaining to her that we were a homeschooling family, and asked about non-school options for therapy.  She said there were none.  The state system was set up that way, and I needed to go ahead and schedule his screening then and there.   When I told her I wasn’t calling to schedule yet, and needed to discuss things with my husband, she got upset and tried every possible approach to get to me to schedule.  I found myself in a very uncomfortable position.  I have heard waaaaay too many horror stories.  There was a little more to the conversation, but that was the jist of it.

I was furious at the idea that what she said might be true, and that my son needing therapy might be the way the law forced him into government-funded public school.  It may seem like a silly thing if you aren’t a homeschooler, but I felt like another right I had as a parent had just been squashed.   I love this little boy, and have given him my very best effort.  I have fought for his 3 years of life to help him, even when doctors refused to listen.  We finally started making progress and getting somewhere, and BAM!  I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake by not just keeping quiet.  I can’t regret, and yet, I wonder if I should.  There was something in the school lady’s voice when I hung up, when she couldn’t convince me to schedule the screening yet, that made me very nervous.  Perhaps it’s just paranoia, but something in my gut said we suddenly had a file, that had just been moved to the top of the stack for closer monitoring. 

I called S and told him about the conversation, and I think he got as upset as I did.  There is no possible way our U.S. Constitution would allow us to be forced to put our child into a public school system.  Yet, it happens all the time.  What really makes me angry though, is how a small group of “experts” could look at my son play games for an hour, and then decide that him being assigned to a classroom with 15 other children his age, half of which are also IEP children with all sorts of disabilities, would be more beneficial than allowing me, his mother, to work with him.  There is no possible way you will convince me that the one teacher and 2 volunteers assigned to each group of 15 children could ever love him as much, or devote as much time and effort to his needs.  And what about when he has a moment where he loses his self-control and acts on impulse?  Am I to believe they are more qualified, or will handle it in a better manner for improving his character than I could as his mother?  Worst of all, what about the influence the other children would have on him?  I can’t even afford to risk what could happen if A, with his lack of self-discipline and self-control, and his occasionally extreme impulsiveness, were to be exposed to 15, 3-year olds every day.  I might as well throw in the towel now, as I have no doubt that most of the training and teaching I have done regarding his character would go right down the tubes when influenced by peers.  I am confident the good examples set by his older siblings are much better for him in that area of life. 

I think S was even more nervous than I was, and he told me to get HSLDA on the phone immediately to be proactive and hopefully find some truth on the issue.  So I called, and was immediately directed to the lawyers office that handles our state.  I had to leave a message, but the lawyer called back later.  To my relief, he said, “They told you a load of CRAP!”  He further explained that they had dealt with a number of these situations.  Basically, Tricare is a lousy form of insurance if the state provides therapy through the school system.  Tricare indeed demands an IEP, and IF we want full coverage, then yes, we would have to allow him to receive it through the school, which charges nothing to Tricare (just taxpayers).  However, I could send him for however many days I wanted–or not at all.  I could also take the IEP to a private therapist and pay out of pocket.  Or, I could forego the IEP completely if we found a private therapist willing to simply use a doctor’s referal. 

So, now we are at another wall for the moment.  S has decided we absolutely will not use the school district, if for no other reason than because we can’t support the blatant lies I was told.  We are still debating on the IEP, however.  Our pediatrician has become so uncooperative that he doesn’t even care to follow up with A, except for his normal well-child visits since his MRI and labs showed nothing.  I can only assume he is adding me to his pile of “those” mothers who always worry about nothing.  I have one phone number left that may get him into physical therapy at least, based on his pediatrician’s original referral.  Then, we have the EEG to go to still. 

A is such a difficult child to deal with, his toe-walking is getting increasingly worse (it’s about the only way he walks now) since we stopped seeing the chiropractor, and he has developed a new habit in the last month of almost always having his tongue sticking out of his mouth.  He still frequently spaces off, and still regresses when we are in public or when overwhelmed by something.  This stuff is NOT normal, and I know that.  Yet, the primary care doc continually refuses to support us, and except for these last few little straws left to grasp at, we are almost out of options for help.  This week, S and I really prayed together and just handed him over to the Lord.  We realize we may have reached a point where we just need to let God handle his issues, and trust that A will develop into what God wants him to be.  God always provides what we need, just when we need it, so the journey certainly isn’t over yet.  It will just be interesting at this point to see what doors He opens, and how He leads us through on this increasingly frustrating and worrisome journey.

I have been around horses for years.  I have worked with countless farriers, watched more hoof trimmings than I can even recall, and seen all sorts of hoof deformities and trimming methods.  I have even had lessons in how to do my own horse’s hooves.  That being said, I had never actually done it unsupervised.  Then, Shiloh came along.  Poor girl had no idea what was in store for her.

I decided it was now or never.  We couldn’t be self-sufficient if I was relying on a farrier to come out ever 6-8 weeks.  So, I bought a good trimming book to refresh my memory, and several basic tools.  I figured Shiloh was a good first candidate, as her hooves were long, but not deformed too badly when I got her.  The first thing I had to do with her was teach her to let me handle her feet.  She was very kicky at first, and, in fact the rescue she came from was owned by a farrier who wouldn’t touch Shiloh’s feet due to her fear of being kicked.  I had no issues with that, after training a number of wild mustangs to let me handle their feet.   It took about an hour of training before I could easily lift each foot, and a couple weeks of mock- and partial- trims before she was comfortable with the idea.  Thus my career as a home-farrier was born.

(Sorry, I don’t have great photos of the process.  I was too busy training and trimming when I took the ones below. )

She had some very long areas, and some uneven areas that caused her to strain her legs a bit, so my first job was to clean her up a bit, even the edges, and trim it all back.  One thing I noticed, that is very different about donkeys vs. horses, was that Shiloh’s hooves were deeper overall, and the heelpads were much thicker and bigger.  I trimmed as much as I felt safe, and left it at that. 

Shiloh posed another challenge, as her front legs are very knock-kneed.  Her legs splay out quite badly, which results in her wearing her hooves quite unevenly.  I wasn’t confident how much I could safely re-adjust without hurting her, so I tried to let her hoof tell me, using the principle that I could always take more off, but I couldn’t put it back if I cut too much too quickly.

It took a couple weeks since I was working her by myself, on limited time, and with very short spurts of training (at first, she was very impatient, didn’t care to stand still, and wasn’t crazy over the trimming tools), but finally, she settled a bit, and I felt I had given her a full trim on all 4 feet.  I rasped it all down, created a nice “mustang roll” on the edges, and I must admit, I was quite proud of the end result.

Finally, after several trims since she arrived, I decided it was time to hire a professional to come inspect my work.  First, I had to find a farrier who was into natural hoof care, and then I had to find one that was willing to teach me and work with me rather than just try to get a new client.  That’s not easy, and I knew I was asking lot.  So, I have to tell you what happened.  It’s pretty cool…

As usual, I went to Craigslist and began my search.  I found a guy who advertised he was a “Natural Hoofcare” farrier, new to the area, and seeking new clients.  He was also affordable.  So, I called him.  We chatted for awhile, talked about his training and experience, I explained to him what I was wanting, and asked if he’d be willing to help me out.  Desperate for new clients, he agreed to help, so we set an appointment and hung up.  A few minutes later, he called back.  He said, “I’m sorry, what did you say your last name was?”  I told him (and it is somewhat unique), to which he replied, “Do you know M.F.?”  Taken aback at the question, I exclaimed, “Yes!  He was the pastor that married us!”  As it turns out, this guy had just moved from my hometown area of south GA, where S and I had met and married, and one of his best friends was our former singles group pastor.  I couldn’t believe it!  We chatted some more, and apparently, our mutual pastor friend had given this farrier our names so he could look us up when he arrived out here.  Incredible. 

So, he came out this week to inspect my work.  He really made me feel good about the job I had done.  In fact, he wound up not trimming any hoof wall off, as he said I had done that perfectly, but my area of needed improvement was her heels.  I wasn’t being brave enough and taking enough off.  So, he did a hoof to show me how far to go, then he had me do a couple hooves with his guidance.  We got her straightened out, and he made several compliments regarding the mustang roll I had created.  Apparently, he has encountered several self-taught folks over the years whose horses’ hooves wind up in a mess.  He was telling me he recently did one that had the “elf-shoes” look, where the hoof grows so long and crooked in front, it begins to curl upward.  He then pointed to the rolled edge I had done, and said there were no cracks, no chips, nothing but good, healthy hoof.  I have been so nervous about that step, feeling highly unqualified, so I really appreciated his enthusiasm for the job I had done.  It really made all the effort and “try” worthwhile. 

It’s one more “box” I can check off on our list of things to learn in order to become self-sufficient.  I love this life!! I figure if I hire him every year or so for a while to inspect my work and clean up my weak areas, it is better than being totally dependant on a farrier.  Now, I just have to get those razor sharp back teeth (due to a bad bite) floated—and that’s one I DON’T care to learn to do on my own!!

Meet my new cow:

Photo borrowed with permission, from http://www.minimilkcows.com/

OK, ok, I’m totally and completely kidding.  Sort of, kind of.  Maybe not.  Alright, let me explain…..

As you may know, for several years now, we have been planning on getting a dual-purpose cow when we move to Red Gate.  Although I love my goats, and even plan to keep milking goats, I also greatly miss cream, which I can’t get very easily from the naturally-homogenized goat milk.  So, after much research, a couple years ago, we decided to purchase a well-bred Dexter heifer from a friend near Red Gate Farm, who is a breeder of very good, high-quality Dexters.  The thing that most attracted me to the Dexter was their small size, beefy build, and the fact they could also be milked.  It sounded ideal at the time.  Milk and meat all from one animal.  It seemed perfect for our little homestead-in-the-making. 

A Dexter cow. Photo borrowed from http://www.wolseyfarm.com/

Then, I got goats and learned about milking.  I began learning about the importance of good udder attachments, teat size and shape, butterfat levels, and production.  I learned how, although you can milk pretty much anything with an udder, the quality and quantity of the milk you get, the amount of cream in that milk, and the number of years the animal can continue to produce is more dependent on genetics.  A good milk animal needs to be intentionally bred to be such.  Likewise, you could techically eat pretty much any cow–dairy genetics or not.  However, if you are going to spend 18 months raising, feeding, and maintaining a calf, you want to get as much meat from it as you can.  After butcher, a dairy-bred cow may produce 30-50% edible beef , whereas a beef-bred cow may produce 60-70% beef.  That’s a several hundred pound difference when you are talking about such a large animal.  This quality, too, is bred into a cow.  Sure, you hear of the occasional “diamond in the rough” that someone finds in a seller’s backyard that is excatly what they want, but it’s a pretty slim chance. 

That being said, the Dexters I was looking to purchase had been carefully bred for meat, and milk and udders were not even part of the consideration.  I recently begin researching further, and learned that even a good milking dexter will likely not produce more than 1-1.5 gallons of milk per day.  That may sound great in itself, but when I considered that I could get that much from one of my Alpine girls who eat about 1/3 of what a Dexter would eat, suddenly, it wasn’t such a great deal.  Furthermore, I spoke with our friend who pointed out that they would likely have the same bull for quite a few more years, meaning I wouldn’t want to buy one of his daughters and then breed back to him year after year.  So, the search was on yet again. 

Then, I discovered the miniature milk cows.  Now I admit they are cute and babies can almost make you want to cuddle with those big eyes.  More importantly, though, they were the size we wanted for our farm and young children (a lot like the Dexter), but had been carefully bred to produce more milk– generally 3-4 gallons per day.  This was easily enough to allow me to milk her once a day, and still have plenty to feed a calf or two so I wouldn’t have to bottle feed (similiar to what we do with our goats).  Later, when we get into pigs and such, there would also be plenty to help grow the pigs on.  In addition, the mini milk cows are generally a very high percentage Jersey, meaning they have very high butterfat levels, which means LOTS of cream for ice cream, soups, and other creamy treats from the kitchen. 

A modern day Jersey cow. Photo borrowed from http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view

At the same time, though, there are many downsides.  These cows were quite a bit more expensive than the Dexters, and much harder to find.  There are said to only be about 500 in the whole country.  For the most part, they are being carefully and selectively bred to be a miniature version of the large Jersey that most people think when they hear the name, which is, in fact a bred-up version of the more “standard” sized jersey that was originally imported.  You still with me?  The miniature jersey is based on the original jersey in terms of milk, but with enough cross breeding to add a bit more vigor and hardiness.  The downside of the “pure” miniature jersey, however, is that it seems to have often-times (though not always) inherited the poor leg genes of the large jersey, and it is a very “dairy” animal, with a thin build, and not much to look at in terms of a meat-producing animal.  A downside of dairy animals in general is that they require higher maintenance as a general rule.  They eat a lot more than a beefier animal of the same size in order to produce the high quanities of milk they are bred for.  Just like a high-producing dairy goat, they are quite inefficient. 

A 40 inch tall miniature jersey. Photo borrowed from http://sureshotcattle.com/Miniature_Jerseys_0U94.html

I wanted both meat and milk, so a pure miniature jersey didn’t really appeal to me, and that’s what most breeders seemed to be aiming for.  I wanted the perfect homestead cow, producing a middle-amount of milk to support the family, her calf, and maybe a few other critters, but also having enough meat on her to allow me to breed her to a good beefy animal (like my friends Dexter bull) and be able to produce a nice calf for meat each year.  The lower production and increased beefiness would likely result in more efficient feeding, lower maintenance, better legs, and hopefully still have a very good udder. 

I’m easy to please, really.  I just have high expectations.  My own mother was convinced I would never get married and she would be stuck with me forever since my demands were so high.  But, hey, my experience has shown that patience and persistence totally pays off!  After all, I got S didn’t I?!  Sorry, I digress….

After much searching, calling breeders, and too much time involved, I found a breeder just a few hours from Red Gate that breeds what I want.  The heifer pictured at the top is a good example.  Although technically a mini-jersey, she is similiar to a “Percentage” mini jersey rather than a “pure” mini jersey.  What does that mean?  Well, let’s say you take a a large breed beef cow like a Galloway and breed it to a pure mini-jersey.  You would likely get a slightly smaller mix of 50% beef and 50% dairy genetics.  Then, let’s say the offspring is a heifer.  You would breed it back to another mini-jersey bull, giving you a 75% dairy and 25 % beef animal.  Each generation from then on is bred to a pure mini jersey bull, meaning each generation gives more dairy and less beef.  Once you have greater than about 93% mini-jersey, it is considered “pure. ”  Of all the cows I have looked at (online, of course), it seems the type of mix I want is roughly in the 70-80 % range for dairy, and 20-30% for beef.  So, it is a “percentage” mini jersey.  (Mini jersey experts, please feel free to correct me if my understanding of the percentage and other ratings is incorrect!)

I have spoken with this breeder several times now, and really like what she has to say.  We seem to have similiar beliefs regarding breeding animals for improvement, and breeding the “whole” animal for better rather than picking certain things (aka milk), which has proven time and again to screw breeds up.  I have discussed our moving plans with her, I plan to keep in touch with her, and she has agreed to let us know what becomes available for sale next year.  During our dicussion, however, she mentioned that she may be selling 2-3 young cows already in milk and/or bred back next year, one of which might be the little girl pictured at the top.  I’m already in love with her, so S and I are discussing detouring on our next Red Gate trip to swing by this breeder’s farm and check out her animals.  Whether I will get this girl, another, or even a young heifer calf is yet to be determined.  It is fun to dream though, and it’s even more fun to know how close the time is getting!

By now, you’ve likely heard of the “historic” CO snow storm.  It’s been all over CNN, weather channels, and I’ve even seen it on Yahoo.com.   Seeing as how I live right in the middle of it, I can tell you, it was impressive.  Now, I have seen more snow–much more snow–than this, but it was always way up in the mountains, around ski slopes and such.  I can remember taking photos as a child, standing next to a snow drift 10 or 12 feet deep.  Shoot, I can remember cross-country skiing over an open field that I thought was level, and suddenly plummeting 4 feet straight down, landing on my back on another drift when the terrain changed (but you can’t tell in bright, white, unmolested snow).  This wasn’t that incredible.  Nonetheless, it was impressive, actually breaking a 100 year old record for the area, and we received just under 18 inches. 

The “Before” photo, taken a couple months ago, after a light snowfall.

 The “After” photo, taken this weekend.

This is the master bedroom door leading out to the deck. Needless to say, I won't be using it for a while.

I have never had that much snow where I actually lived, and I’ve certainly never had to do outdoor chores in that much snow.  The kids have had a blast, digging, playing, making snow caves, etc.  R got her first taste of snow…literally.  The only real downside as far as they were concerned is that it was a very dry snow, meaning it won’t stick together, meaning they can’t make snowballs or snowmen. 

 

Here is a video clip of R:   http://youtu.be/-lCI80K5Q5U

With temps that have reached highs just over 30*, and then plummeted into the teens and twenties most of the time, though, it still made plenty of icicles, one of which fell out of a tree and hit me in the back of the neck yesterday!  I was walking out to the goat pen, minding my own business, and BAM!  Thankfully, it was a small one, and it caught in the back of my shirt, but it felt like I had been stung by some horrendously large creature.  It hurt!  No kidding, seeing as how it likely fell a good 25-30 feet from the nearest branches.  All the snow posed a major challenge at first, as we were in blizzard conditions for about 24 hours.  Everytime I tried to dig trails, they would simply fill in.  The first few times I did my farm chores, I would test my blood sugar before going out, be just fine, and then, thanks to all the exertion of trudging through knee-deep snow, 30 minutes later, my sugar would plummet into the 40’s, and I’d have to make my way back to the house for some juice or glucose.  It didn’t help that the snow was too deep for the baby goats to walk through, so I was having to carry them–all 30 or so pounds of them back and forth twice a day.  Finally, the snows let up, and S spent a couple hours digging trails from the house to all the places I needed to go.  He’s so sweet, and it made my chores sooo much easier.  The baby goats eagerly used the trails to race and bound from their night-time garage pen out to mom each morning after I milk. 

Me, all bundled in black. It ain't purty, but it keeps me warm!!

S even had his fun, reminiscing of his days living in iceland, and went out and showed the kiddos how to build real, usable, snow caves.  JR loved that, has wanted to do it for a couple years, but we have never had enough snow for it.  By the second day, it was packed and iced over just enough to make a great shelter. 

Here’s a video of the snow shelter:  http://youtu.be/GnEuE4hPrzk

I have to mention one thing that I found encouraging.  Due to the way we generally run our daily life now, I always have about a month’s worth of groceries on hand.  During the worst of the storm, we wound up totally stranded at home for about 48 hours.  Honestly, we never even noticed until after the storm ended, we were sitting around having a nice dinner, and it dawned on us that we were totally OK.  We have freezers full of food, pantries full of raw ingredients, all the cook books I could ever need, oil for the oil lamps, wood for the stove, milk only as far as the goat shed, and  fresh eggs in the coop.  We were fine.  In fact, the only area we found ourselves lacking was water–in the event we lost power, the well pump wouldn’t work.  Of course, with 18 inches of fresh snow, it wouldn’t be that difficult to melt what we needed over the wood burning stove.  It was fun and even encouraging realizing we had reached that point.  Even as little food as we produce ourselves at this point, we still weren’t completely dependant on the economy or society every single day to meet our needs.  Now that is a good feeling, and we had no choice but to thank the Lord that evening for how he has blessed us this past year!

The worst of the storm is over, though we are having flurries as I type.  As it is, several inches of pure ice has covered my front yard for the last 8 weeks.  With this much snow, I’m not confident it will melt before April or May.  In the mean time, I will utilize my dug out trails, the hens are appreciating the “patio” area S dug out for them, and we are grateful to the neighbor who came and used his case loader to dig out our driveway.  Since the goats won’t leave their shed (they don’t like to walk in the snow), and the hens won’t venture more than 3 feet from their coop (only in the dug out area), we are having to do lots of deep bedding to control muck and smell.  Good thing we stocked up on wood shavings for carbonaceous material!!  Despite the trials lots of snow and cold can bring, I still can’t help but marvel at the absolute, unadulterated, astounding beauty of God’s creation.

JR has been full of surprises lately–sometimes hilarious, sometimes just surprising. 

#1:  We have a joke where, if the kids catch us “sampling” food outside a regular mealtime, we will come up with an excuse such as “I just needed to taste it, to make sure it was OK to eat!”  One morning, JR caught me snitching a little bite of R’s leftover birthday cake.  I gave that excuse.  About 2 hours later, we were on the way to church, and JR was handing out snacks to his siblings.  I turned to find him munching on R’s snacks.  When I asked him about it, he replied, “Oh, I was just tasting them to make sure they were OK for her to eat!”

#2:  A documentary about America’s food system was produced last year, and I have been wanting to see it for some time (Fresh, the Movie).  It was finally opened for public viewing this past week, and I told everyone we were having a family movie night.  When S arrived home from work that evening, 7-year-old JR excitedly told his dad, “I’ve been waiting SEVEN YEARS to see this movie!!”

3#:  More shocking than funny (at least for me), looks like we are reaching a very critical milestone in JR’s maturity level.  We have always loved Schleich animals for their life-like detail, and the kids have several with which they play regularly.  Today, out of the blue while I was making lunch, JR walked up to me holding our very anatomically correct Hereford Bull.  He flipped it over, pointed to, ummm….specific hanging parts…..and asked, “Mom, is this what gets the girl pregnant?”  Ummm….”Yes, sort of.”  Thankfully, answering simply was all that was required, and he walked away without further explanation.  I, on the other hand, haven’t recovered yet.

My handsome soldier in uniform

In the military, supervisors must regularly fill out performance reports for their subordinates.  Often referred to as an OPR or EPR (officer performance report or enlisted performance report), these reports go into the member’s file and can help determine promotability, future assignments, and so forth.  Many of the notes are simply written in a bullet format. At least, that is how I understand them to work. 

Well, over the years, a collection of the bullet points has been gathered from, shall we say, less than ideal servicemen and women.  The orginal authors are unknown, but we found this particular collection on the site http://fromtheinside.us/humor/humor-epr.htm.  After laughing until every part of our bodies ached, I just had to share.  Oh, and to my knowledge, none of them appear on my dear hubby’s OPR!  Enjoy!

  • Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
  • I would not allow this employee to breed.
  • This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.
  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
  • He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  •  He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better. 
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
  • A room temperature IQ.
  •  Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
  • A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  • A prime candidate for natural deselection.
  • Bright as Alaska in December.
  • One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
  • Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
  • Fell out of the family tree.
  • Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
  • Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
  • He’s so dense, light bends around him.
  • If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
  • If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
  • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  • It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
  • One neuron short of a synapse.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
  • Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
  • Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

So, next time you are walking through the airport, and see a few tough-looking, intimidating soldiers displaying their firearms and seriously patrolling, you can secretly wonder if one of them is the recipient of one of these comments!

« Previous Page