I apologize for my absence of late. I am just plain worn out. God said in the Bible that “It is not good for man to be alone.” I now believe that probably applies to women too–especially when the alone woman has 5 young children to care for, a home to set up, a homeschool to manage, and a whole farm to run.
It’s been almost 5 months, and I think I’ve done pretty well, if I may say so. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my capabilities, which has been good for me in terms of confidence. As a diabetic who has never really lived alone, working hard and dealing with fluctuating blood sugar levels is an ever-present concern. Certainly, I have my children with me, the oldest of which are well-trained in how to use the 911 system, but still. The time has forced me to really learn how my body handles activity and stress. Granted, my mom has come up for a few weeks to help out, S has visited every few weeks, and I have hired or requested help on occasion when a task is just a little too much for me to handle. Nonetheless, it has been a good summer and now here we are into fall.
And I almost managed to get through unscathed. I did lose Mocha, my doeling earlier this summer, I’ve lost a barn cat (but replaced him with 3 more) plus a whole litter of kittens, as well as almost a dozen chickens (but I did save one from the claws of death). I managed to kill off all the worms in the vermicomposters, and I’m not confident the bees are doing that great. I almost lost a calf, but managed to save that one with vet intervention. Nonetheless, I still have 3 goats in milk, a doeling, a buck lined up to breed them to this fall, 16 hens, 2 hopefully pregnant beef cows and their calves, a donkey, a jersey heifer (possibly pregnant), and the cats and dogs. Plus the new additions of house pets to include 2 cockatiels and a brand new hamster. More on her later. I have allowed us to eat out too much after a rough day, and I can only “do” the boys’ therapy exercises more than I “don’t do” them.
I admit, though, I am tired. As in totally and completely, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, you name it exhausted. It’s amazing how our body can pull us through to do what we have to do. And every now and then, I’m really good at pushing mine to the brink! I have decided, however, that I work much better as a team player. I am ready for my hubby to come home. I’ve reached the point where I am way too cranky, way to impatient with the children, and always too tired to have any fun with them. I’m rather isolated out here, with few visitors and no family involvement (except when mom comes to help), and with all the kiddos, I try to limit my excursions. I am in survival mode almost all the time, which is not good. My recent quarterly lab work proved it. I need a break. Mercifully, my time alone is coming to an end. I feel, in a way, like I have run a marathon. I knew it would be a tough period of time without S, and I can honestly say I’ve done my best (which isn’t always as good as I would’ve liked, I confess). Now, I feel like I am in the final mile, and I’m gonna make it, and life is about to become everything we’ve dreamed of–together. Hopefully all I’ve managed to accomplish in the last few months will mean we’re much further ahead next season, than if we had found a way for me to stay in CO.
Maybe, after he arrives, I will actually get around to posting more regularly. It certainly isn’t from lack of happenings around here! There’s never a dull moment, it seems!