Discipline. Typically, when you hear that term, you automatically see images of punishment, time-outs, spanks, verbal reprimands, etc. It can be such a harsh word. Of course, any loving parent would hate such a meaning. I have even heard it said, “We don’t discipline.” Like most parents, I would presume, this is an issue I struggle with. We have been counseled by those who firmly believe spanking is the only way to discipline a child, and this is typically based on the scripture verse “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Others have counseled along the lines of other forms of discipline. Sometimes, this, too is based on scripture references such as “Thy rod and staff, they comfort me…” So how can something so negative also be so positive?
If you think about it, it doesn’t have to be a harsh idea. Even literal definitions of the word state things like “training,” “guidance,” “development,” or “instructing.” With meanings such as these, it is easy to see how loving discipline can be. When you look at from the perspective of self-disicpline, it is easy to see how necessary discipline is. You can’t expect a child who has had little discipline and training at home to be self-disciplined in public, or as they mature.
The Bible gives explicit instruction to parents to discipline. In speaking with a good friend recently on the topic of how to most appropriately discipline our children, however, she pointed out that “Even God uses different forms of discipline when training us!” How true this is. Sometimes, He lets us learn from our own mistakes. Sometimes, He allows bad things to happen to change the course of our direction. Sometimes, He may take things from us to redirect our focus. Sometimes, He may simply make us wait, until He knows we are ready for further instuction. The point is always the same though–to prune, train, prepare, and guide us, but the method may differ based on the circumstance.
I have thought about this quite a bit the last few days. I don’t know whether I have been lax in training my children, or if we are entering a new phase, but in either case, I have seen some attitudes and behaviors recently that are unacceptable in our home. We have prayerfully sought Biblical guidance on how to best handle these situations, and I have realized that I sometimes tend to complicate the idea of discipline. Instead of focusing so much on the method of punishment we use, I am now working on redirecting my focus to methods of training, guiding, and re-directing my children. In the long run, it doesn’t seem to matter what method of discipline we use in different situations, rather, what matters is that we teach our children obedience, willingness, and Godly submission.
Even as simple as that idea is, though, it can seem an overwhelming responsibility. Fortunately, God doesn’t expect us to do this parenting thing alone! He has provided friends, family, and Scripture for counsel and guidance to help us in the journey. He promises to give us strength in our areas of weakness, and wisdom when we need it most. Furthemore, we must remember that our ultimate goal as parents is not to simply raise children who are obedient to us. Rather, our desire should be children who are followers and seekeers of Christ himself, striving to dedicate their entire lives to serving. We, in our imperfect ways, cannot possibly provide the needed training alone. Only Jesus Christ himself could set that kind of example for our children to follow. So, if I just allow Him to provide the tools and guidance I need as a parent, do my best to live as an example for my children, then God will fill in the gaps for the sake of the children. This certainly takes a burden of my shoulders!
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
–2 Timothy 3:1-17
July 16, 2009 at 3:01 am
You will be so glad for your commitment to train up your children in the Lord when they start turning 13, or even 11, or 7… Even for all that we have done wrong, I can see the results of diligently pressing on in holding standards for respect, getting the word of God into their minds and hearts, and loving and helping eachother. Keep up the good work! Now is the easy time, believe it or not!
July 18, 2009 at 4:20 am
Thank you for your commitment to obedience and discipline. How will we know how to obey God if we weren’t taught to obey our parents. I guess this is a subject I needed refreshing on because the Lord led me to your site tonight as well as the radio program I listened to on my way to take care of Grandma today. My one gem from the radio program was “when we disobey mom & dad we also are disobeying God”. Thank you for the friendship you share with my family.
July 18, 2009 at 7:13 pm
I am so thankful for our friendship with K and T! K has been a wonderful resource to me as a mother and in my quest to be self-sufficient. Feel free to tell her I said so!
July 19, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Good point. God doesn’t use a “one size fits all” and why should we as parents? Thanks for this post!
September 21, 2009 at 9:03 pm
[…] there must be discipline. I have done a previous post on discipline, if you are […]